UVALDE, Texas — Amy Marin isolated herself for three months after the tragedy at Robb Elementary as she couldn’t bear the trauma of being falsely accused by state authorities of leaving a door open at the school.
It has been two years since the shooting and Marin has started to open up even more about her immense struggles and newfound comfort through art.
Marin sat down with KENS 5 in the weeks leading up to the second year of remembrance, reflecting on her grieving journey. She noted how before May 24, 2022, her body never shook like it does now. The now-natural behavior represents the lingering trauma that remains as Marin is reminded every day of the terror she survived.
A teenaged gunman entered Robb Elementary killing 19 children and two teachers.
It took law enforcement more than hour to take down the gunman. Nearly 400 law enforcement personnel responded to the shooting.
“It’s a big struggle,” Marin said. “I picture the hallway. It takes me back to that day just running in the hallway and saying get in your rooms.”
It’s a piercing pain she believes will never go away completely.
“The suffering of running back to the building, running from an AR-15 and the shooting while I was running back, that’s a lot of trauma,” Marin said.
She was initially blamed by the Texas Department of Public Safety of propping open a school door. But Marin knew that wasn’t true. Days later, Texas DPS corrected their statement, but for Marin, was damage was done.
“Being blamed for leaving that door open and being blamed for those 21 lives, that’s like double trauma and no one will ever understand,” Marin said.
Traumatized and heartbroken, Marin didn’t go out much, fearing judgement from the victims’ families and the community.
“I’m constantly looking out the windows. I have my curtains closed all the time,” Marin said. “I can’t shower when nobody’s here, somebody has to be here.”
During the interview, the sound of a helicopter overhead triggered Marin’s fight to keep composed, taking deep breaths while continuing to shake.
She doesn’t leave her home without headphones in the event she hears loud sounds that trigger certain memories from the Robb Elementary shooting.
“I have my headphones on the wall. When I hear it coming, I usually put them on,” Marin said.
Alongside her daughters and grandchildren, Marin discovered her therapy through art. Her sanctuary of a home is filled with colorful symbols of hope and resilience. Hearts and sunflowers are a common sight.
“I found some calmness in painting,” Marin said.
Dozens of her paintings are on display at the El Progresso Library in Uvalde. While it was never the intention, she's been able to make money through her art, as people from across Texas and the nation have expressed interest in Marin's sentimental works.
For Marin, each brushstroke has helped heal mental wounds from that dark day.
“It’s almost like I feel a happiness when I paint,” Marin said.
As Marin paints through the pain, she can feel those 21 lost souls in her heart.
“It might be crazy for some people to believe this but when I paint, I can feel them around me,” Marin said. “I’ll talk to them and tell them what I going to paint now because some of them were artists, you know. I can hear them laughing.”
Each canvass tells a story of strength.
“One day my daughter asked me – she was watching me paint and she asked me, do you notice that you don’t shake when you’re painting,” Marin said.
Her strength is fueled by survival and a desire to push even more for justice and accountability for law enforcement’s response, which the U.S. Department of Justice deemed a catastrophic failure within their more than 500-page report on the shooting.
“I am not giving up. My fight started,” Marin said. “All of us in that building acted in good faith greater than those 376 law enforcement officers that were outside doing nothing.”
Marin’s future at Uvalde CISD is unknown. But Marin noted one day when she's ready, she would like to move away from Uvalde.